she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she told me i tasted like america
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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