It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
