I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
