I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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