She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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