We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
