I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
