Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
