those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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