haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
