Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
