hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Will exercising make me less horny?
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