you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i think i just lost a toe
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