TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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