That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
