she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm like, not good at living.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
