Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
