I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
