the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Rumble strips road head = magical
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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