so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
