It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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