nut hugger
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
