Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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