Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
