Need sex. Gaining weight.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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