once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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