it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
