Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
