its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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