It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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