But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
