Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
