Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
