Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
