I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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