Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
