Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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