i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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