9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
