Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
