Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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