That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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