Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
