"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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