How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
