Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
