his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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