I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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