Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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