I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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