i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ladies don't puke and tell
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
