Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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