Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
