Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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