the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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