My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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