Its about making memories worth repressing
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
