that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
