I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
