i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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