sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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