you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
