$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
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whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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