god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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