i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
