dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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