Is it normal to miss your booty call?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
