and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
