dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i need some magic done to my vagina
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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