I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
