There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
