If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
