no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
