Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
