the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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